This information is Top Secret and must not be repeated.  Of course, this makes us wonder why we put it on the internet, but don't question the Pentagon!  Just keep this to yourself and you might live.

CODE NAME:  COMMANDO PETE REAL NAME:  Peter J. Kowalski SPECIALTY:  Leader of the Commando Pete Team Commando Pete severed as a sergeant in the United States Army for many more years than his heavy drinking allows him to remember.  He did tours in Korea, where he plundered extensively and raped many women, not the least of which was his true love, Ming Chow, the prostitute whose name adorns Pete's shoulder.

CODE NAME:  TRIGGERHAPPY REAL NAME:  Rusty L. Banks SPECIALTY:  Weapons Expert A belief that "more is more" would best describe Triggerhappy.  Armed to the teeth (literally) with various death dealing weaponry, Triggerhappy is well versed in the workings of every firearm and close range weapon.  His brief stint in the service has made him almost a semi-decent shot as well.

CODE NAME:  BLOODSHOT REAL NAME:  Nicos (Nick) A. Barthopolis SPECIALTY:  Communications A section eight from the U.S. Marines after severe shellshock drove him to extensive drug use, so now Bloodshot uses his expertise as a communications officer to aid the Pete team.  Able to speak many different languages as well as trace signals to their source, none of this matters as Bloodshot has forgotten all his prior skills.

CODE NAME:  CHIEF CHIEF REAL NAME:  Lester Thunderfeather SPECIALTY:  Infiltration Truly a silent but deadly opponent.  Chief Chief (a former Naval C.P.O. and tribal Indian leader) has finely honed skills in close range fighting, marksmanship, and acrobatics.  He also makes a mean bowl of chili.  His tribe's ancient customs prohibit him from speaking to others, but this  makes him that much more quiet on special missions.

CODE NAME:  TOKEN REAL NAME:  Lyonell Hayburn Washington SPECIALTY:  Infantry A powerhouse and the strongest member of the group by far.  He is the brawn and muscle behind most Pete operations as well as an experienced tank gunner.  Can force his way through a brick wall or arm wrestle with the best of them.  His hatred of white people in general, however, can almost incessantly cause his short temper to cloud his judgment.

CODE NAME:  PEEPERS (and Blindside) REAL NAME:  Henry Alfred SPECIALTY:  Pilot Blind since the age of birth, Peepers uses his extraordinary sense of touch to fly a wide array of aircraft, as well as terrain based and sub-aquatic vehicles as well.  He also uses this sense of touch to cop a cheap feel from the ladies.  His faithful seeing eye dog, Blindside, is also without sight but serves as co-pilot.

CODE NAME:  A.W.O.L. REAL NAME:  Anthony O. Scarpuzzi SPECIALTY:  Undercover Counterintelligence An expert at disappearing and hiding in order to collect information unseen, AWOL often uses this ability to duck out of or completely avoid battles.  Good sense of humor as well, and also used to sweep areas for bombs or other traps.

CODE NAME:  WATERLOG REAL NAME:  Fredrick M. Chancellor SPECIALTY:  Diving/Underwater A case of swimmer's ear at a young age caused Waterlog to have severe equillibrium problems on land and in the air.  Therefore he feels most comfortable and spends most of his time in the water despite the fact that he isn't a particularly strong swimmer.

CODE NAME:  MISHMASH REAL NAME:  Raymond X. Dumpelgooger SPECIALTY:  Tracking An expert in computers and data collection.  Able to match the slightest trace of physical evidence to its source using highly sophisticated software.  Also good with various other methods of identification, such as voice printing.  A victim of Down Syndrome.

CODE NAME:  BACKBRACE REAL NAME:  Carl S. Poindexter SPECIALTY:  Medicine/Science A doctor and scientist, Backbrace is the Pete team's source medic and go-to expert for producing counter-toxins to combat CHAKKA's worst poisons.  A terribly painful back strain prevents Backbrace from fighting most of the time.

CODE NAME:  OOPS REAL NAME:  Steven P. Braxton SPECIALTY:  Explosives/Electronics Oops is an expert at creating and diffusing all known explosive devices.  He always knows whether to cut the blue wire or the red wire.  A self-proclaimed "tech head," Oops is also up on all current gadgetry and expensive electronic toys.

CODE NAME:  BUBBA REAL NAME:  Bubba B. Brickhouse SPECIALTY:  Hand-to-Hand Combat The fiercest of the Pete fighters, Bubba Brickhouse serves as the "big guns" for the team.  A certified master and trainer of thirteen different fighting systems, Bubba also teaches the martial arts to his teammates.

CODE NAME:  DON'T ASK REAL NAME:  Bruce I. Sweetbuns SPECIALTY:  Seamen Brought in to help the Petes on dangerous sea-faring missions, Don't Ask mostly serves the team now as their live-in maid and cook when not busy as a dancer at several local clubs.

CODE NAME:  COUNTESS (a.k.a. Funbags) REAL NAME:  Carrie H. Byron SPECIALTY:  Being a Woman A shameless attempt to bring diversity to the Pete team, Countess is brought in as a special strategic advisor.  Eventually she goes insane from a particularly strong strain of syphilis.

CODE NAME:  ARSENAL REAL NAME:  David K. Jensen SPECIALTY:  Everything A one-man army brought in to help raise the morale and win count of the Pete team.  His efficiency and competence is not understood by the Pete team.  Recently MIA.

GENERAL QUARTERS REAL NAME:  Franklin W. Quarters SPECIALTY:  Pentagon Liaison A top ranking General in the U.S. Army, Quarters served with Pete during his tours in Korea.  Owing Pete a debt of gratitude for showing him the few disease-free brothels in the country, but also owing Pete several thousand dollars in gambling debts (which have escalated considerably with interest), Quarters decided to settle his account by forming the Commando Pete team for his old army buddy.

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